I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
