You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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