did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I did not marry a roomba.
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