genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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