you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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