it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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