If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
