Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
