She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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