what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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