my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
