Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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