its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
