Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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