I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
