I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
