just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i've created a new STD.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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