it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
