Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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