I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
