when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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