Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he thought i was a dude.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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