Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
