Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
