sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
