Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
