At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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