wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
