21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize