HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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