So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
