Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
