It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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