Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
