He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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