The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Life is so much better after having sex.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
