i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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