great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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