My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just invented taco cereal.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
