I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
