i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
