Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's great music for shaving your balls
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm too high and old for this...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
