New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
