I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
