chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
