They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
dude. I can hear the air.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
