Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
