My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
