if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
