I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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