I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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