Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize