dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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