why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
