how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
