Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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