So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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