hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Someone shit on the floor
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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