This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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