I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
