Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
